it hurts~

few weeks ago, i supposed, i have start making little wishing stars for him.. i thought that it will make a great present as he WAS a nice friend to me... but the weird thing is, i should be happy and thinking bout him when im making it.. but im not.. i was sad, angry and disappointed at that time.. in my head, the painful event keep repeating in my head.. i wanna forget bout it and juz go on wit this friendship but i cant.. it hurts...

when u suddenly turn to me and say this, "u know, this is bad.. all my friends are here and they saw me wit you... oh no! im sure they will start saying stuffs bout me and u.. aiya, wat shud i do ah??"... when u say that, do u actually think bout how i feel? do you know its as if telling me that im not wanted to be seen beside u? and do u know how bad it feels? how i wish ur in my shoes and let u feel the pain.. or maybe u wont feel anything bcoz u dont take this friendship seriously.. u juz need a "pillow", i guess...

the night when u gave me a small token and say thank you for all the things i did, its like you're telling me ur cutting off all the ties wit me and doesnt wanna hav anything to do wit me anymore... u actually make me feel like i have been used, like a pillow.. when needed, u will come right to me but when u dont need, u juz cast me aside.. and bcoz of u, my tears fall again... from now onwards, i vow not to let my tears fall for any guy unless he's worth it...

and for my readers, u might be wondering why cant i get off wit this matter.. let me tell u why.. its bcoz i value my friendship wit this guy and i thought we could be best friends.. but when suddenly stuffs like this happen, its giving me insecurity to believe in guys anymore.. what more to say on love.. tats y im not letting myself to fall for anyone... i juz dont wanna get hurt each time i fall.. same goes to friendship.. it hurts seeing someone u thought were ur friend and cares for him, eventually knowing that he has dumped u when he get back on track wit his best friend... it hurts, thats all..

Jenny~