Quiet eyes

I am now at home!
Well, thanx to the principal in da school im doing practicum
I am able to be around the people I need the most,
And able to release some hidden tension and stress that I myself do not know the real cause..

So, while im at home bothering my sister,
I came across a poem she was doing in her secondary school..
And one part caught my eyes and heart..
The title of da poem is "he had such quiet eyes" and written by Bibsy Soenharjo..
And the part I got attracted was this,
" If only she'd been wise
And had listened to the advice
Never to compromise
With pleasure-seeking guys
She'd be free from 'the hows and whys'

Now here's a bit of advice
Be sure that nice really means nice
Then you'll never be losing at dice
Though you may lose your heart once or twice"

Beautiful yet meaningful poem..
And leaves all of us to interpret in our own ways..
What might be ur interpretation?
Who knows maybe we might have similar thinking?

Jenny~

tonight.

today is the start for my practicum which will last for 3 months..
the school was pretty ok except for the learning environment which i believe is not really conducive..
but am trying to figure out ways..
nevertheless, i might consider myself ready to take up this challenge as i believe that being a teacher in the future, i would have to face more of this kind of challenges..
and then, i got back and we had a farewell dinner with our beloved lecturer, Mdm Nora..
and not forgetting, all the juniors who had done a good job in preparing the whole event..

it was a good event,
i felt happy and good in the beginning..
and then,
i felt tired.
sometimes,
just sometimes, i wish i was not in that situation..
i wish to be able to look and smile, like last time..

maybe, just maybe..
deep inside,
the scar still hurts..
no matter how much medicine i have put on,
or how much time have passed,
or how much plasters have i been putting on,
sometimes,
it still hurts a bit..

Jenny~

today.

i always write that reality hurts..
and reality is indeed painful..
when i was small, i thought this world is made up of good people,
people that would treat me like how my dad and my mom treated me,
with care and though sometimes, i felt being left out,
they still really care for me in their own ways..

but as i grew up,
and met so many people,
i felt that reality is indeed different from what i thought it would be,
i thought i would meet with a lot of good people that would treat me like how my mum and dad do,
but somehow,
human being is different..
they made me felt like this world could not longer be trusted..

another thing that shocks me,
is when i see parents here treat their children,
my mom never pulled or pushed me when i was small,
what else hit me or made me embarassed in the public,
but here, in my environment,
i saw moms or dads doin it their children,
and it kinda shocked me..
and somehow, i have already planned my future...
i wanna treat my future kids the way i was being treated at home,
and i want them to feel my love and not my wrath..

children are like little angels,
they bring comfort and joy to us,
so why do we want to make them cry?
and make them feel the harsh reality that soon?

Jenny~

just do it.

so, basically..
this is one of those weekends, the free weekends..
well, its 3 more days before practicum where all the piles of works, stress and of course, sleepless nights enters,
but now, it is indeed a free weekend for me..
so, while i was on the Net, i came across with a blog that i followed,
and i'm kinda attracted with the last statement that he mentioned on his blog,
which prompt me to write today's post,
and the statement is:

"Better to regret doing rather than to regret not doing it at all.."

so, what can we understand here?
well, you hav different interpretation, and same goes to me too..
for me, i think it is time for me to start doing things,
things that i feel is important,
things that i feel that i should do it all out this year,
before heading to the career year,
and of course before separating with my friends here
and heading to our own ways soon..

i guess, it is the time to do all the stuffs that i wanted to do,
and better regret doing it than regretting of not doing it at all..
ok, time to gather some friends and make some plans..
teehee~ ^^

Jenny~

change.

all of us know the meaning of change.
change could be in how we behave, act or maybe how we dressed.
change could also be in terms of our transition of life,
where we are change on how we live our life different from how we used to.

I am a girl whose afraid of changes.
but the more i avoid changes, the more it comes to me.
and i have to decide,
either to embrace it and make something out of it,
or avoid again and again,
which i find it useless..

and after really thinking and observing all the things that happen around me,
i have decided,
to embrace the changes and make something out of it..
something happy, if possible..
of course, i wanna stick to the old routines,
but sometimes, when things have started to change and take its own course,
no matter how much i wanna stick on to it,
i might eventually get left out.
so might as well, embrace it though changes might hurt, 
and make something happy out of it..

not being emo here,
but i know i have to grow up one day,
and the process of growing part includes,
the ability to accept and embrace changes,
and make the best out of it..
i believe in time,
time would change me and make me able to adapt to all the changing variables around me.
and eventually be happy with what i have decided.

Jenny~

hardest part?

in life, we encountered so many parts..
the easy parts,
the happy parts,
the sad parts,
the difficult parts,
and the hardest parts..

everyday, we are changing.
everyday, we are moving on from one phase to another phase..
and when we started to move on, there are two choices given to us..
to move on with the people that brought us to that step,
or to move on alone..
and when we have decided, 
the only thing we hoped is,
when we turned back one day, we would tell ourselves that,
it was the right thing to do,
and not,
it was a regret of choosing that.
cause, i believe that when we have chosen,
things would never be the same again..

Jenny~

numb.

i have always wondered the magic behind a piece of music.
how could a music be so relaxing,
or how could it changes our mood and feelings just by listening to it?
i came across this piece of music which immediately made me felt different.
it doesnt make me sad, but somehow this heart felt the music.
it didnt made me cry,
it made me felt like i was in 
i guess, these days, there were no more reasons to cry..

and i would like to share the piece of music that i was talking about..

https://soundcloud.com/rikognition/the-one-tv-size-version/related

it was a piano piece of music by Kenson Lee,
who always prepared good music for my favourite Youtube group, WongFu Production's short skits..
all his music reminds me of the short skit and somehow, it reminded me of my past too..
but now the pictures are very vague,
the feelings are somehow lost,
the memories are somehow blank like a piece of paper,
and the sadness or pain?
somehow i felt numb.
a numb feeling that i myself cant describe it,

sometimes i wonder,
will i feel numb like this for a long time,
or will i be able to feel the real fluttering feelings again?
will i be in the same spot like now in the next 10 years blogging about my numbness,
or will i be in the same spot like now in the next 10 years blogging about my happiness?
sometimes, i wished i had a travel machine just to see the future me.
i just wish i could.

Jenny~

mistake.

once upon a time,
there was a girl who always lived up to her good image.
a good girl, never break the rules set and always trying to be the best out of the best in terms of attitude and in studies.
but inside, she is just another normal human being,
who wanna show her wild side sometimes or even try out stuffs that she was not allowed..
trying to be free for one day..
but she tried to suppress everything in her, worrying that one day, it might cause her more harm than good..

but one day, she made a mistake..
the most childish and unexpected mistake, that she herself was stunned as to why she did that in the first place..
and from that mistake, her impressions and good perceptions by other people has crushed..
people were disappointed on her and wondered how could she do that?
people quickly changed their mindset on her and immediately labeled her..
and this girl,
feeling depressed, unable to turn to anyone else decided to instead wallow in her sadness, stand back up again.
and this time, to prove that one mistake she made would not make her live in people's dark perception anymore.
she would try her best to make things right despite all the stares and words being said about her behind her,
or how people labeled her just because of one small mistake that she should have never done..
and i believed that she could do that..
all she gotta to do, is to tell herself and her heart,
that one mistake would not kill her forever,
but would make her work even harder to build back that good impression and perception.
and i believe she can do it.

#lessonlearnt
Jenny~

budget.

budget.
can be defined in my own words as a plan for saving money.
anyways, i never wrote any post about money saving thingy,
not because there was no need for it,
but because there were not much things that requires me to spend a lot of money on just yet.

but 2014 is different.
this is like my final year in campus,
and there are so many things in my list that i wanna do..
and all these things require money..
but my top priority would be getting a driving license this year in Keningau itself..
and i have already enrolled into it but the amount was big..
RM1310 ok..
that is like half of my allowance gone already?
but its a fortune that they allowed us to pay in stages, so i do not have to fork out that much just yet..
and of course, the rental for my practicum which is also approximately RM1000..
there goes another big sum of money..

sigh...
and i have started to cut down on my trips to the town,
just to ensure i dont start spendin endlessly on useless items (which i find it useful when i got my hands on it)..
but temptations are everywhere..
and sometimes, i get defeated with them especially when it is pretty stuffs or delicious food..
oh.my.gosh.

i guess bancruptcy will be heading my way soon if i dont start to set a budget.
like seriously.
life with or without money is equally difficult.
Jenny~

sharing again.

so, its the weekend and yeah, my favourite past time would be?
reading articles..
not articles about studies and stuffs like that,
but more to advice on relationship and girls' stuffs types of articles..
maybe because i love to know more and learn new things from all the articles that i read,
or maybe because by reading these articles, i am able to expand my knowledge and then share it with those who might be interested..

so amongst all the articles that i have read,
my favourite are these two links that i have shared below.

http://jarridwilson.com/5-things-to-do-while-youre-single/
http://jarridwilson.com/4-dating-tips-for-christian-singles/

well, the main reasons maybe because i am still single?
hahaha..
but these two articles are different..
they are written in such a way that attracts my attention and most important is that, it is so related to my religion on how to find the right spouse or partner for myself..
it is a different type of articles,
and somehow it soothes me when reading it..
so for those whose interested, u can check out those two links above..
who knows it might inspire or change on your perspectives maybe?

Jenny~

myself

yeap, am a normal human being...
yeap, i dont know what everyone around me felt, or went through..
and i definitely is not in the place to tell the people around me what to do or what they should feel..
because everyone of us are free to decide what to do with their lives or felt what they should felt..

being 21 (not 22 just yet),
makes me feel as if i have went through so many things...
when the fact is,
i did not went through as much as someone else might have been going through all this while..
i tell people about this and that,
but in the end, i couldnt even help myself up..
all i could do to help myself,
is to tell myself what i should do and what i should not do..
telling myself to be strong with what i have chosen and stick on to it like a super glue..
telling myself not to change what i have decided for the fear of failure..
smiling and laughin, making people see how strong or easy going person, just to cover the wounds and tears i have inside, 
and locking myself in a corner without people being aware of what i actually feel inside..

previous posts, i have mentioned the same thing...
its not easy being me..
i might not know how difficult u must have felt,
but u might also not know how difficult i felt everyday in my life..
i might not know what troubles everyone around me,
but everyone around me might not know what is troubling me all this while..
i might not know those little things about people,
but no one knows how little things meant for me..
all this while, being enclosed in my own space and protecting myself,
sometimes felt tiring.

but in the end, i only have myself.
Jenny~

personality test.

basically, for this semester, we are taking guidance and counselling as one of the "must" course,
and for me, this is like one of the most interesting subjects,
because it is more to dealing with people,
how they think, see and feel.
and i love topics that are concerning about people,
maybe because i love to analyse different type of people,
and how to build a good relationship with other people,
especially when i am out next time.

so, while doing my tutorial questions,
i came across a personality test,
where it tests us and eventually come out with a description of our own personality test.
and you guys can check it out at this link:

http://kisa.ca/personality/

so, when i completed this personality test, i realised that i am an ISFJ type..
so, went through the Internet and found details about me which is in this link:

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_rel.html

and for those who wanna understand me even more,
u may refer to the link above.
it actually shocks me because it describes me precisely..
and my conclusion for today's post?
i never knew i was a person like that until i took the test.
and maybe because of that, i have always placed great importance on others instead of my own needs..
and maybe because i got too used to doing so, i no longer know how to appreciate or prioritise myself anymore.
and this is something that i need to reflect.

Jenny.

sharing.

so, basically i just stumbled on to this in tumblr..
specifically, wongfu tumblr!
haha..
so, yeah..
saw some that captured my eyes and attention,
and decided to share a few here.. 
^_^

so, basically these are from wongfu's videos,

and some are really nice...

just made me think and reflect my own past and present life..

but anyways, im still into him...

this one here...

hahaha...

the end.

hehe..

Jenny~

irritated

who knew my second post of da year would be about me being irritated?
but seriously, the condition is really bad...
i moved in to my new room just days ago and right now, outside of my room,
it became a new "toilet" for the little cute pets, cats..
they poo and poo and poo and poo outside of my room,
and the smell is getting horrible day by day..
seriously!!

im not a fan of cats,
i dont feed them,
but why do they have to poo outside of my room?
you guys are the fans of the cats,
you guys fed the cats,
but why dont you guys clean the poos outside of my room that is not related to me and my rumet?!

it is just really getting on our nerves,
opening our door and seeing such a deadly sights and horrible smells..
and this is gonna be our last straw..
seriously...
if this prolongs, we seriously going to take an immediate and drastic actions..
so for those who reads this post, u gotta take da responsibility if u wanna feed those cats...
u feed them means ur takin care of them means u gotta take care of their poo too!
if not, then stop feeding them around our corner or feed them somewhere else so they can poo somewhere else too!

tsk3x..
adults but cant think like adults..
care the cats but ignore human's health..
one word.
d.a.m.n. 

Jenny~

2014

this would be my first post for 2014..

Happy new Year to everyone especially those who reads this!

so basically, i just got back from holidays and yeah, spent the two days of the month in lectures..

though it is the final year for me, 

but it seems like lecture has grew so long..

nevertheless, favourite subject on counselling is on,

and it somehow makes things less boring.. 

for the time being.. hehe..

anyways, i stated in the previous post that today will be me revealing my own new year's resolutions! 

and i guess, i shall keep it simple for this year..

no point of having a long list when i do not do it.. haha..

so here goes:

1. focus on my studies and achieve what i am aiming for.

2. spend more times with my friends.

3. learn to love myself more and appreciate myself more..

so, that's it..

and i hope by the end of the year, i would be able to say that,

i have achieved all the stated, simple and clear resolutions for the year 2014..

and of course, will be updating this blog from time to time.. 

hehe..

Jenny~