Christmas

Christmas is two days away,
and I can feel the spirit of Christmas in malls, TV as well as in most of my social medias.
As for me, 
Christmas is the same every year.
Celebrating it in the church with others, having a simple dinner with family and I guess that's it.
The way of celebrating it has became the same every year.
However, as I grow more mature,
I learnt that it's not about the materials,
or the decorations,
or the food at the table that matters the most.

What matters the most,
is with who we are celebrating it.
As for me, I am lucky I am celebrating it with my family every year.
Celebrating it with my loved ones are the most important to me,
though at times, I do hope that I could celebrate it differently.
But no matter what, I wanna wish everyone whose reading it a blessed Christmas!
May this Christmas makes all your wishes come true!

And as for me,
my personal Christmas wish list?
Peace and happiness for my family and closest friends,
and someone to celebrate the future Christmases. ^^

Jenny~

Letter

Today,
as she sat on her couch,
staring outside the window as usual,
a man came and passed her a rose and a letter,
telling her that it is from someone she knows.

Feeling curious, 
she opened the letter and it was from the person she knows,
her heart flutters reading the letter,
and smiled all the way,
until she read the last line of the letter.

She doesn't understand it,
she doesn't know how to react to an ambiguous line,
she doesn't know whether she should be happy with it,
or should she remain poker face with it,
she quickly wrote a reply,
asking for a clarification and asked the man to deliver it to him.

And she waits,
and waits.
At first, she was trembling with excitement,
thinking that finally, she could get off this carriage.
But then, she started to have mixed feelings.
What if all of this is just simply a joke?
What if the person she knows was just simply playing around with her?
What if it wasn't the truth and he is simply referring to other people?

For the first time,
she couldn't wait to get off at the next stop to meet him.
To finally hear the truth,
that could either break her heart one more time,
or bring her to the everlasting freedom which she was eager to feel again.

Jenny~

December

Holidays have been monotonous so far,
which leads to my lack of updates in my blog these days.
But December is here,
and it is indeed some time to update here and there a bit.

Career is put into a halt during the holidays.
It feels different not waking up in the early morning, preparing for work,
meeting colleagues, meeting kids for classes and juggling with various needs.
It feels nice not having to wake up early in the morning and dealing with works,
but I do miss all the rush and workloads,
it somehow takes my mind off from stuffs that I shouldn't be overthinking.

Relationship is a total zero if it was with a guy.
Relationship is a total mess if if it's related to work.
Well, the conclusion here is, never be too nice and never treat what other people says about you as the true you.
No one knows me better than I do,
and most importantly, I am not afraid to receive comments and criticisms,
as long as it is based on facts.

Nevertheless,
11 more days to Christmas,
and 2 more weeks to another brand new year!
And will be updating this blog with my personal Christmas wish list,
reflecting on this year's resolution,
and will be posting up new resolutions for next year!
Till then.

Jenny~

Quiet

Today.
She sat at her carriage, 
drinking her favourite glass of latte,
reading her favourite novel,
and watching people going up and down the train at every stop.

Today,
she felt a little quiet in her carriage.
She looked around,
and realised that there were only one or two passengers in her carriage.
Most of them have went down at their own destinations,
and she is still travelling in her own carriage.

As the train reaches a stop,
she looked outside and saw someone familiar.
It was her friend.
He smiled at her and waved,
and she smiled back and waved back.
A simple act have made her feel so warm.
And she can't wait to see him again at the next stop soon.
And I can't wait to know how things would develop for her too!

Jenny~

Holidays!

25.11.2016.
Today marks the last day of school,
as well as the beginning of a wonderful upcoming end-of-the-year holidays!
Time indeed has passed by super fast,
and we have now reached November.
So many things have happened,
good ones and bad ones.
But in this post, let's look at all the good ones first.

Career.
UPSR results were out few days ago,
and I was glad that I have achieved my target for my class.
However, it is never the number of A's that I look forward,
but for my pupils' improvement in their academics and attitudes.
To be able to see them getting a C from the forever-D,
Seeing their tears of joy for getting really good results in subjects that they never knew they could do it,
those are what I was looking forward.
And thanks be to God, all this came true.
To my pupils, you never know how proud I was when I saw how all of you worked so hard and finally, achieved what you have worked for.

Friendship.
Along the year, I have met a lot of new people.
Built new friendships with people.
And met really nice people along the way.
And these are the people who put a smile on my face,
despite how difficult things are sometimes.

This has been a tough and tiring year,
but also a really happy and memorable year for me.
Despite all the things that have happened,
I am still strong and ready to take up challenges.
But for the meantime, I think it is indeed the time.
Time to get some quality rest,
away from workloads,
and more time to embrace and love myself more.
Therefore, happy holidays! 

Jenny~

Last night

Last night was a memorable night for her.
She hasn't done this for quite a while,
and being able to got through it one more time,
made her heart skip a beat.

She remembered how afraid was her when he invited her over,
going off the carriage even for one night made her nervous,
but she decided to do it.
And she didn't regret it at all.
All the long talks,
laughing and humming to the same songs,
eating and even got into a minor accident,
made her felt so different.

She couldn't describe this feeling,
nor can she tell anyone about it.
But it was indeed a memorable night for her,
she never knew she would be able to do such things anymore.
But she reminds herself,
not to overthink,
not to go high up,
not to get pumped up,
because things might not be what she think it is.

For the meantime,
she went back to the train,
waved and smiled,
and she continued her journey,
with a little prayer,
that this would happen for
one more night.

Jenny~

Late post.

This is a late post about 11.11,
Singles' Awareness Day.
Being single for almost 5 years now,
though its been a while,
but there is this emptiness that I can still feel it from time to time.
Don't worry,
I don't reminisce the one who broke my heart,
but more of the time when my heart was a whole.

I am grateful that along the way,
I met so many supportive friends,
who not only comforted me,
but also made me forget about the pain of being single.
Whom opened my eyes to see a new perspective in relationship,
and those who have always there to fill in the gaps in my broken heart.

I am also extremely grateful to my family members,
though they never show it especially my parents,
but in a way or another,
they have stood there for me and always remind me that,
someone would come when the time is here.
And I hold on strong to this.

I believe that he is here.
I believe that he is watching over me.
I believe that he is caring to me.
And I believe that,
he will stand beside me,
under the sunshine and rain,
and will love me for the way I am,
like how I would also love him for the way he is.

Jenny~

At the feast

Today, there were more crowds than before in the train,
she looked around and wondered to herself,
why are there so many people compared to the other days.
She asked her friend about it,
and he told her about a feast that is going on in the next station.

Feeling excited,
she asked why didn't he go to the feast as well,
and he told her that his presence in the feast wouldn't make any differences.
As they were approaching the next station,
she saw familiar faces and decorations.
And she remembered that she had such a celebration too last year.
She went off the station,
looking around and trying to reminisce back her memories in the previous feast.

She turned back and she saw a familiar back,
it was the guy who broke her heart few years ago,
and he was still with the girl that was supposed to be a plaster.
I guess the "plaster" eventually became a part of him already.
She thought she would feel sad or angry all over again,
but instead, she smiled and walked back to her train carriage,
she didn't feel any pain or anger anymore,
it was indeed in the past.

But she told herself again,
not to put high hopes on people's promises,
not to put 100% trust on people's "I won't",
and always trust your own feelings.
As the train started moving, her friend came to the train,
she smiled and continued her journey with this friend,
without looking back for the first time.

Jenny~

Overnight

Sometimes, I wish my life is like living in a snowball.

Where things stay the same.

It is scary seeing things around me,

people around me,

the environment around me,

change in an overnight.

Though I remember telling myself that change is indeed good,

but sometimes, I can't accept overnight changes.

It made me think,

was it my fault?

or was it not my fault?

People say, ask and you will be given the truth.

But I couldn't find the courage to do that anymore.

The last time I did that,

I ended up in pieces.

November is always like this.

Surrounding me in a mixed feelings vibe.

Making me confused and broken inside.

It isn't easy for me to accept overnight changes.

Particularly when it is amongst people around me.

Enlighten me,

please.

Jenny~

November

It's November.
November is a month that is always filled with mixed feelings.
Happy because it signifies almost the end of the year,
as well as time to get ready for a long holiday at my secret hideout.
But it is also quite a sad month,
as this is the month where my Year 6 pupils would be getting ready to leave,
and embark on their another new adventure.
Anxious,
as UPSR results are gonna be out soon,
and I can't wait to see how my pupils have been doing for the exam,
though of course no high hopes.

November is also a month that reminds me of things that shouldn't be reminded.
Sometimes I feel weird.
Happy things that happened to me,
when being shared to family and friends,
will tend to cease.
It feels like whenever I shared happy things with people,
happy things stopped happening.
And it made me feel a little fed up,
made me feel like I should just stop making myself over excited or happy,
because it will be taken away or disappear into the air when I start to indulge in it.

Sometimes, I just wish.
Wish that it would not cease,
wish that it would continue as how it has been happening,
but who am I to control it.
=sigh=

Jenny~

Interesting journey

Do you still remember the girl on the train?

The one who continued her journey on the train alone?

I remembered she once said that she decided,

decided to push back all her books in front of her,

and getting her own cup of coffee.

But life has its own unexpected twist.

When she was getting up to get her own cup of coffee,

she saw it on her desk,

and the person who brought it for her.

She didnt expect his presence at all.

She smiled, 

and started to reconnect with him.

Like a long lost friend,

she had the most wonderful conversation with this person.

Something that she hasn't experienced for quite some time.

Everytime he came to her carriage,

they would talk endlessly,

laughed at each other's silly jokes,

and making plans ahead.

They shared their favourite books and shows,

commenting on every single thing that they saw when the train passed by.

For the first time,

she felt that her journey became less lonely.

For the first time,

she felt that her journey is getting more interesting.

And for the first time,

she smiles throughout her journey.

Indirectly, with his presence,

she finally found a little ray of light in her journey.

Jenny~

Counting days

Is it me or is the time passing really fast this year?
October is coming to its end in a blink of eyes,
and it's kinda scary thinking that it's November in a few more days to come.
Nevertheless, let's do some recaps on what has been going on in the past few months.

Career.
Have been really busy after UPSR,
handling the year 6 kids' stuffs,
online applications as well as preparing documents for the pupils for their secondary schools intake.
But it is still manageable in my own limit.
However, I learnt to put more trust in my own abilities than in other people.
Not because I am selfish and unwilling to divide works among one another,
but because I know that I am able to do it without faults,
and that I wouldn't disappoint myself by giving me last minutes disappearances.

Friendship.
My friendship with my school colleagues are getting better.
It feels nice making friends with people that are in the same working field as me.
By chatting with them or hanging out with them in the canteen during our free periods, I am able to share my worries as well as my frustration with them.
Basically, they are my anxiety and stress relievers in school.
And I am so lucky to have them at my side.

Relationship.
I don't really have much to say when it comes to this topic.
Past injuries have caused me to seal up my feelings if possible.
Previously, I am the type that shows my feelings through my words and actions.
But nowadays, I try be careful with what I say or do.
Not because I do not want other people to get the wrong idea,
but because I do not want to get the wrong idea and end up feeling too much,
which the other person might not be feeling the same like me.
*Therefore, tips to get my heart, tell me you love me when you are ready to love me.*

But overall, I enjoyed myself in the past few months.
All the chatter and fun moments spent in school with my colleagues,
as well as the warm and kind treatments by a friend,
made me felt different this year.
Turned me from a cold and reserved person, into a warm and open person.
Will continue to update in the following month,
as I believe there would be a lot of school activities,
emotions,
and feelings that will be going on.
Till then.

xoxo
Jenny~

Marriage

Today's post would be more on the serious side of me.
So, let's start.
One man and one woman meet,
fell in love,
got married, 
have babies,
and live a happy life.

So that's what I thought this world is made up.
But it isn't.
Getting posted to my current school opened up my eyes a lot.
Seeing kids from broken families,
with either their fathers ran away or got married with other women,
or the mothers are the ones who ran away or got married with other men,
and who are the ones who suffer?
Their children!

I don't understand certain parents' mentality.
Like how can they just divorce and eventually dumped their children to their parents to take care.
Not even providing the basic needs as well as financial needs for those innocent ones.
And the next question would be,
why get married if at the end of the day, you will eventually lose feelings to your partner?
why make those innocent little ones suffer under your childish acts?
Is marriage solely based on your lust for one another?
To make sex between the two of you look much more "valid" after getting marriage certificates?

These are the people that I despise the most.
The ones who get married in their young ages in the name of love,
and eventually couldn't resist temptations out there,
and thus, sacrifice their little ones for their own selfish purposes.
If getting married is only for sex or only to share in your st**id social medias,
or to gain as much likes as possible in your pre-wed photos,
or to just wear that wedding dresses that you dream of,
then please, like seriously please, dont get married.
Dont mar your life just for your stupid fantasy.

Marriage is responsibility and commitment.
If you can't handle these two big things,
then don't even get started with it.
Marriage should be beautiful.
So please keep the beauty in it,
and dont ruin it just for your selfish reasons.

There goes my long post of the night. Hope you enjoyed reading a little piece of my mind. 
Jenny~

This friend

Have you watched, "Miss Peregrine's Home for the Peculiar Children"?
It's one of the most amazing movies that I have watched this year,
and all this thanks to my new friend whom have brought me out into this world.
Sometimes, I think our meeting has been arranged,
who knew from the first conversation, 
we moved on and became friends.

From a person who rarely goes to cinema into a person who now enjoys going to cinema,
From a person who always putting only the good side into a person who now shows her true self,
From a person who always spend time at home into a person who anticipates to go out,
All this happened after meeting this friend.

There are times that I am touched,
by this friend's kind gestures,
actions,
and words.
It reminded me of my best friend as well.
And because of that, I wish I could create my own time loop like how Ms Peregrine did in the movie.

Creating a time loop that encompasses all the good conversations I had with this friend,
Re-watching back this friend's kind gestures and actions on me,
and re-living it again.
If I could do it, 
I would now be the happiest person in the world.
Therefore, to this friend,
thank you for entering into this dark life of mine,
and making me believe that there is light somewhere in this dark tunnel.
Here's to more to come.

Jenny~

Lost

Staring outside her window,
she sighed.
These days, overwhelmed with works,
endless deadlines,
endless responsibilities that she can't run away from,
endless workloads that wasn't hers in the first place,
endless false promises that she has to endure with people around her,
making her exhausted not only physically but also mentally.

And finally, tonight she was able to sit down with her cup of coffee,
opening up her diary,
and started writing again.
Every time the train stopped at one station,
she anticipates for what to come
Every time she ran out of coffee,
she anticipates for who to come.
Every time it started to rain,
she anticipates for when it would stop.

And now, she felt empty.
Lost.
Doesn't know what her heart wants.
Doesn't know what to do with the free time given.
She just felt lost.
Tears rolled off without knowing why.
And with that,
she closed her diary,
looked up to the sky,
to find back her strength,
and her directions.

Jenny~

First Love

First Love.
Everyone has their own first love.
It's either their crush back in secondary school,
or the guy / girl that they fell in love with in college,
or some might not have experienced with first love.

I once asked my friends,
how do you know if its your first love?
I mean, some of my friends have been in multiple relationships,
while I only had one.
So how do I know if he was the one?
My friends gave me a variety of answers.
Some said, first love gives you the zing.
Some said, first love is the one that you will remember the most.
And most of them said, you will know when you experienced it.

So when I was in my first relationship, I thought that was my first love.
But I was wrong.
I did loved but he wasn't my first love.
I couldn't remember the reason why I accepted the relationship,
I guess he was also a part of experiment that went wrong.
The pain I felt was not really because of him, but because of the feelings that he subjected me to feel,
which I am thankful right now.
At least right now, I know I wouldn't repeat the same mistake.

Then, today a colleague of mine asked me about first love.
The first person that crossed my mind was, him.
The stranger.
If you have been an avid reader of my blog,
I believe I have been mentioning about this stranger for over the past years.
And believe it or not, I still could talk about all the incidents as if it had just happened.
He gave the zing that the past-nerdy-me didn't know how to face it.
He gave a hope to me,
a continuous enthusiasm,
and last but not least, a strength to me.
When he appeared during my difficult times in relationship,
he acted as my reminder.
A reminder to me that,
in the midst of darkness,
there will be a light somewhere.

And right now, my path is still cloudy.
Still walking on this path with one hope.
To search for the light.
=Guide me=

Jenny~

Blank

Relationships.

I remembered my first crush back in high school,

how I would always sneak a peek on him during class,

or during recess time in canteen.

And always daydreamed of being with him one day.

But, got my little heart shattered,

and lost my self confidence for a while back there.

Fast forward to college,

met a guy, became fast friends, called each other like every night,

giving all kinds of mixed signals,

and eventually developed feelings,

then, gone.

disappeared.

and I was treated like a joke.

Fast forward to my 3rd year of college,

met another guy, always fight, always getting morning and night messages,

complimented and finally, became a couple.

two years into relationship with sweetness in the beginning and bitterness at the end.

broke up through social media which is so uncool,

giving me stupid reasons when the truth was,

him treating me like a band-aid,

and eventually went with some other girl right in front of me,

took me a great length of time to stop myself from clinging to the past,

from mentioning about him,

from hating and despising his every single action,

and finally, accepted and totally moved on.

Final year.

Met another guy,

became totally close buddy because we shared the same pain.

Thought that this guy would be there for me as a friend,

eventually got further apart,

and now, gone.

disappeared.

And right now,

meeting someone new is scary.

developing any new tingly feelings is terrible.

After going through so much,

I don't even know what I want,

what I seek,

what I need.

Can you tell me or guide me now?

Jenny~

Her fault

Today, while on the train, a lady passed by her carriage.
She was actually selling magazines and books in the train,
so she bought one and read about it.

And she came across an article.
She read about it and immediately, she placed down the magazine,
and stared outside her carriage.
The words struck her,
and awaken the real her.

Since when she became so rushed?
Since when she defy her own principles,
and became someone she told herself not to?
Since when she started to build her fantasy,
and no longer remember that it was only a fantasy?

She was disappointed with herself,
She was disappointed with the words she once said,
and yet she didn't do it.
She was disappointed at how she rushed in things,
and eventually blaming others when things fell apart.
She was even hurt when she realised that it was she who cause it,
and not the other person.

She took out her yellow notes,
and started to scribble notes to herself,
and stick it at places that she could see.
"Take your time."
"Whatever will be, will be."
and lastly,

"Learn to stay when you should stay. Learn to let go when you should let go."

Jenny~

I realised

Social medias have been one of our needs.
Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram and all the other apps,
are like a must in our phones as well as in our lives.

From the blue ticks,
From the likes,
From the hearts,
we often forget that those things dont really resemble anything.

I am one of the social medias addict,
that can be easily swayed by feelings,
when messages with blue ticks are not replied,
when pictures or status shared do not received any likes,
from selfies that do not receive any hearts.

I became someone whose unhealthy.
I thought people ignored me or thinks that I am annoying when my messages in Whatsapp are not replied,
I thought I am not pretty or inspirational enough when no likes were given in Facebook,
I thought I am ugly when no hearts were given in Instagram,
but the fact is,
all these are wrong.

I am thankful that #butterworks production as well #themingthing which is both Singapore and Malaysian based youtubers, have made videos to remind all of us,
that the closer we are in social medias,
the further apart we are in real lives.
When I reflected back on my hangouts with my friends,
I found that we rarely communicate in these social medias,
and yet, we talked so much when we are out.

So, a gentle reminder to myself as well as everyone out there,
the blue ticks, hearts and likes do not signify anything in our lives,
take some time to go out,
enjoy the littlest thing around us,
Initiate small talks rather than only through social medias.
And create closer bonds in real lives.

Jenny~

Dark clouds

As she was sitting next to the window and carrying out her normal routine,
she decided to get off the train and take in some fresh air.
As she came down, an acquaintance appeared in front of her,
with smiles, she went off with the acquaintance,
sightseeing and breathing in the sweet air around her.
For the first time, she felt a sense of accomplishment.
A sense of being cared of.
She thought that this would last.

As the train signals to leave,
she decided to sit at the bench for a while this time,
and watch the train leave.
She was silly, isn't she?
Letting the train go.
She waited for him,
waited,
waited,
and waited.

She kept thinking,
what went wrong?
Did she say something wrong?
Did she laugh too much?
Why is this happening again to her?

Finally,
the train came to the station.
She lifted her up,
went into the train,
and sat back at her seat.

"There is nothing wrong with you.
Your timing hasn't come yet,"
She told herself.

Jenny~

Hello August.

August.
One month before my skills of teaching are put into test through examination.
But this time,
it won't be me taking it but my "clients".
I was a little disappointed seeing their attitudes of dealing with last minutes studies,
as if the exam has little meaning to them,
while we as the teachers are feeling all the burdens, stress and tension due to the exams.

However,
after reading their honest letters about their feelings dealing with the upcoming exam,
I realised that they are, afterall, kids.
And it was my fault for putting too much emphasis on the examination,
and forgotten the primary elements in education.
I forgot the fun, motivation and most important, forming their attitudes.
And because of that, I finally came back to my original path,
which is creating future generation with the best attitudes.

Meanwhile, in personal life,
Nothing much has happened.
Went for a dinner and instead of enjoying the process,
I was working hard.
But despite the work, it was unexpected to meet him again.
Meeting him just kindles back the feelings of meeting an old classmate.
And I missed that feeling.

In terms of relationship?
I somehow let things take its own course.
Enough of listening and doing what others think is good,
but more to listening to myself and deciding of doing what I should do.

Because at the end of the day,
the one who feels it is me.

Jenny~

Quiet

It has been a long, quiet journey as she put down her book and stared outside.
She reminisced the time there was hot coffee in front of her everytime she placed her book down,
but now she couldn't care less.
Coffee was never her type.

And while there are still people passing by and making small talks with her,
she told herself to give other people some chance,
enjoy their company,
and never be swayed by them.
She also reminded herself to never start to daydream on things that would never happen.
She knows it won't happen,
but her little heart is always hoping for it.

She felt much more better now,
no more staring at the empty place in front of her,
feeling back to her old self and old space,
this is the feelings that she is used to.
And all I wish for her is,
one day,
maybe tomorrow, sooner or later,
someone would come again to her booth,
offer her another cup of coffee,
and provides her warmth,
and stay with her till the train stops at the next stop.

Jenny~

July Updates

Updates.
It's been quite a while not updating this blog.
To caught up with works as well as some emotional aspects in life.
Therefore, let's update.

Work.
Work has been piling up for me especially preparing the kids for their biggest exam on Sept.
But nevertheless, I enjoyed myself teaching kids this year.
Less stress, more fun.
Less scoldings, more laughter.
And somehow it helped me to turn into someone who tries to show my love and affection to them in another ways.
And yes, a lot of opportunities were there,
and am still learning to be better day by day.

Relationship.
Remember the acquaintances I told you the other day?
I thought he was different,
and that something might happen,
but it didnt.
I am not too sure whose fault was it,
but since there are no more replies, I guess that's it.
Don't worry about me.
I was getting mood swings about it,
blaming myself for everything,
and then I realised,
its not my fault,
but his fault for not able to see the good in me.

Other than that, I guess life is still smooth-sailing for now.
I am emotionally stable right now,
and I stopped blaming myself for anything,
because at the end of the day,
it is only the right man who would work hard to make things right,
and not always me who have to straighten things up.
I learnt my lesson.

Jenny~

Today.

Today.
She felt unusually lonely.
Remember the man whom always coming to her seat,
bringing a cup of coffee,
bringing his companionship to her place?

These days,
he somehow stopped visiting.
There was no hot coffee on her seat as usual,
and there wasn't anyone in front of her today.

She felt lonely for the first time.
Yes, she felt sad.
She asked herself,
what went wrong?

But she quickly woke up,
and told herself that,
this was meant to happen.
She had already warned her little heart,
this would happen eventually.

She pushed her pile of books back to the table,
She brought herself her own cup of coffee,
and this time, she brought some flowers for herself.
To remind her that amidst whatever that happened,
she is always beautiful inside.
And only those who can see that will appreciate her,
and will stay to discover it.

And she continued her journey in the train,
this time, with no more anticipation,
expectation.
but with independence,
and love to ownself.

Jenny~

Peacemaker

Have you ever loved something so much that you don't want to let it go?
Have you ever loved someone so much that you just want to spend the rest of your life with that person?
Everyone of us loves or loved something or someone that we would sacrifice almost everything for them.

In my case, my family.
I remember how harmonious we are when we were still kids.
After my parents decided to be in separate places, we were still harmonious.
Until mini fights appear and I have to become the peacemaker.
At that time, I was worried that this family would split.
But luckily, we made it through the darkest times.

As time passes by, my parents gradually increases with age.
And as people says, they are at their most sensitive phases.
And more arguments and mini fights ensues due to not understanding one another,
and again, I have to be the peacemaker.

Sometimes, I feel like I love this job.
I mean it meas that I care the most and that I am the one they would refer to when they need me,
It made me feel needed.
But sometimes, I hate this job.
I hate being the one thinking on how to explain to one side,
and getting all the negative charges from one side.

And it makes me feel even wary about relationship.
There are so many "what-ifs" in my head when I thought about it.
And it just stops me in my track.
When did love become so complicated?

Jenny~

Stopping by

Remember the time when a man stopped by her seat the other day?
Remember the time when she said she stopped hoping for the man return again?
Today, without her expecting, he came back again.
And without failing, everyday, he would bring a cup of coffee to her place,

leaving it there for her,

talked for a while,

and it repeats almost everyday.

It made her confused.

Why is he doing this?

When she started to let down her guards, she felt vulnerable.

And she lifted up her guards again.

She isn't ready to lose the peace that she is now used to.

She isn't ready for unclear path.

She kept telling her heart,

not to start piling any hopes.

She kept telling her mind,

not to start imagining any scenes.

People might think that she isn't appreciating what is coming to her,

but the problem is,

how would she know for sure?

that this is a sign to let down her guard?

that she would not fall on the wrong place again?

Right now,

all she is doing is,

enjoy the cup of coffee this man brought to her,

enjoy the short company this man gave,

and reminding herself not to get used to any of it.

Jenny~

Updates

Updates..updates...updates.
Let's update several things that I am going through right now. 
And hello June!

Firstly, am still in my holidays,
but came back early as extra classes have started with my Year 6.
Kinda nervous as I am afraid that I lacked in preparing my kids for the upcoming UPSR.
But I know that they are capable in different aspects,
and regardless of what, they have made me proud with their attitudes and manners in school.

Next, workloads are still a lot,
I am stuck with my classroom deco and a lot of paper stuffs.
Trying to find back my motivation to push myself to complete all these unfinished works.
It jsut made my teaching jobs so irritating with these unnecessary workloads.

Relationships. Zero.
And yes, there are guys who texted me,
but all of them are just acquaintances.
And seriously, there is nothing more than that.
Will be talking about this topic in the next post.

I guess that's all to update.
Nothing major or minor changes in life,
so yeah, 
everything is just going as normal as possible.

xoxo.
Jenny~