end of 2013.

today is 31.12.2013..
what does it mean?
for me, it means a lot..
it means the final day of the year 2013..
and it also signifies the end of an awesome year despite all the challenges that came to me in this year..
and it is also the time for us to let go of the past, and move fresh ahead while creating even more memories..

Recapping back to the year 2013,
there were a lot of nice memories and also bad ones...
but the most important is i learnt something in every experience that i went through or witnessed myself..
i learnt to be strong and always put myself as a priority..
i learnt not to give people 100% of my hopes and dreams...
i learnt to stand on my own and be more careful in taking care of my own feelings..
i learnt to take care of myself and be happy..
and most important thing is, i am still surrounded by people who loves me and makes me happy always..
i guess that's the most important thing that i want to keep till forever...

and next, recapping back on this year's resolutions, let's see if i actually achieved it or not? haha..
so basically the resolutions i made for the year 2013 was:

- to be healthy always by taking care on my food
= achieved! less Maggie and start to practice good food routinely.. good food as in rice and noodles (not Maggie).. haha.. 

- to be fit always by trying to go for a walk in the evening
= not achieved! haha... ok, i mostly spent my time in my room despite the time i have to go for a walk... and also i shall place a little blame on my practical since im in afternoon session..

- to focus more on studies so that i would be able to reach my targets
= achieved! i seriously place more time on my studies and do not stray too much from it.. and my target for these semesters' results are basically more than i expected... Thank God! =D

- to be happy by meeting new people and stop thinking about the past
= achieved! ok, second part was achieved.. haha.. i somehow deleted the past from my memory and by taking that courageous actions, i am now a better person.. haha.. the first part was un-achievable since there's not much social function or even new people to meet? hahaha... but there are some new acquaintances though.. =)

- to do something meaningful
= i dont really remember in terms of what, but i guess i did do something meaningful.. i guess, even by spending time with my friends or going on vacations with them is something meaningful for me.. seeing them happy makes me happy, and that is meaningful..

so, to end this post, i would like to wish all my readers a Happy New Year 2014! May the new year brings a new aura into you and makes u a better person.. God bless and may everything goes well for you and me.. ^^

2014 resolutions?
next post.. hehe..
Jenny~

Christmas wish list?

As I had stated in my previous post, this post will b about my Christmas wish list..
So, everyone of us celebrated Christmas in our most special ways..
Some went for carolling, others celebrated it with their loved ones in churches or homes..
Some brought their families or loved ones for dinner and last but nt least, getting presents for one another..
But for me?
Christmas has always been normal..
Dinner, church and that's it..
No expected presents or anything..
And thus, everyone would b like, you must have a lot to wish for ur Christmas right?

And my answer?
Every year, I wish for da same..
Good health for my family,
Peace and happiness with my family and friends,
And last but not least,
Able to celebrate it with someone that loves me and I love too..

So, I guess til da last condition is fulfilled, this wish list will always be what I wished for evry year for Christmas..
Hehe..
Simple but meaningful,
And could last forever.. =)

Jenny~

Christmas!

Christmas is here!
And it's the time of da year where we gather up with our family members, and celebrating it with Christmas songs and mass with all the parishioners from the same church, good food and good company..
And for me, Christmas is always special..
With the presence of my family members and friends, I guess that's da best presents I could possibly ask for (though I still wish for a lot more.. Hehehehe...)
My Christmas wish list?
Guess that will b posted in the next post.. Hehe..

Nevertheless, I wanna wish everyone who reads this, a Merry Christmas and may God bless all of u with lots of loves and presents..

Jenny~

Reading back

you know what is the coolest thing of keeping a blog where you have been writing for almost 3 years, and without deleting any posts?

it is the memories and the feelings that can be felt through each post..

i was reading back all the posts that i have been writing in a few months this year..

and i was laughing..

laughing at how naive were my feelings,

laughing at how much pain i must have suffered while writing those posts..

and laughing coz every post meant something that at that moment, i didnt know..

its really nice when i read back all those posts,

thinking back about what i have went through and the feelings i have been enduring..

it felt really nice though some posts are stupid..

haha..

it just help me reflect on whether did i actually learnt something from all i have been experiencing?

or do i just keep doing the same mistakes over and over again...

so for those who wrote almost everything about their life in their blog,

why dont start reading back on each and every post that u have made..

you would find that your blog could either be a love novel with tragic twists here and there, or simply a novel with different unfinished chapters..

mine hasnt ended yet and might not end, i guess..

coz this blog still has a lot of things to be filled in..

and a lot of memories to be cherished.. ^^

Jenny~

my current obsession.

ok, so ever since i turned single,
i am obsessing on almost everything...
food, pets, artists, celebrities, youtubers, cute animantions, u name all..
and yes, i am now currently deeply in love with this awesome youtuber..
and he is, tadaaaaa!!
Wesley Chan...

hahahaha...
even writing about him makes me smile awkwardly to myself..
ok, anyways, he is one of the members in WongFu Production which is an awesome youtuber group..
they made numerous funny videos, skits and also short movies..
and yeah, they are really recognized by their works...
and one of my favourite and also a place to see this awesome guy is in the WongFu weekends where the three of them, Phil, Ted and Wesley would gather and make something.. hehe..

ok, why am i so obsessed to him?
i guess, he just fits the type i wanted as a lifetime partner..
someone whose funny in their own serious ways..
someone whose really accomplished in their career..
someone who made me smile awkwardly again..
anyways, this guy will be my trending topic for the whole week or month or year, maybe?
hahaha... (and some more pics of him including the one on my wallpaper currently.. hehe..)

find me a guy like him and i would less than three him a lot..

Jenny~

ABCDEFG (part 2)?

ok, so i said in my previous post that i would relate the 6 qualities that my aunt described to me (in details) to my own selection for my future partner..
basically, i dont have anyone right now so yeah, i dont even know whether i would have the chance to use this checklist..
but anywhooooo, here comes the description:

A - age
~ so basically, she said that i should seek for a guy whose not too old for me or too young for me.. and yeah, i wanted someone whose older than me next time and i hope he makes the decisions in everything and compromise with me sometimes in certain choices.. =D

B - background
~ aunt say i must seek for a guy with a good family background.. well, i think this is because every good deeds start from home? haha.. well, a good family will produce a good child and i believed in that. the influences from parents are indeed strong enough to reflect through one's actions and deeds.. so yeah, i gotta find someone with a good family background..

C - character
~ so, understandable based on the key word.. a guy that has good characters.. u name it and yes, it goes under this point.. hehe..

D - dormitory
~ ok, aunt said that i must find a guy with a house first.. and this causes disagreement from my mom.. well, in my opinion, i think the guy must have started some investment or have some investment plans for the two of us in the future is he wanna be with me for a long time right? so, conclusion here, is u dont need to have a house to make me want u... haha...

E - educational level
~ this is important so the guy i chose is not dumb? haha.. basically, he must be of the same level or higher par than me.. and does this mean i should not go for masters till i find one? haha.. im confused! 

F - faithfulness
~ most important of all the qualities mentioned.. and this is one thing that i seek the most in one person, regardless as the one or as a friend.. i believe that if he wants me, he must be faithful to me.. pyhsically, and mentally.. seriously.. haha..

so in conclusion, this is the checklist that i might use when i meet someone next time.. but if i dont or unable to use this checklist, i guess my readers could learn and maybe adapt it and use it their own selection process? haha.. nevertheless, i have more things i seek in a person after the first failed relationship.. cant blame me though.. haha.. 

since when less than three became so complicated?
Jenny~

ABCDEFG

ok, holidays is showing its side effects on me..
and yes, it really does..
but am not gonna talk about it coz talking bout it would not help..
actions should help..
but today's post is not gonna be about that..

its about a family gathering i attended to last weekend..
so, yeah, we had a family gathering to celebrate my grandma's age?
or is it birthday?
ok, i am blur..
but anywayz, its a family event..
and yeah, as usual, my aunts and uncles would ask all of us, cousins about our life, careers for those working and studies for those whose still studyin..
and then, da word came up, 
RELATIONSHIPS!
and amongst all da cousins sitting around, i am the only one whose single..
blessings in disguise?
or just unwanted?
or maybe not ready?
i dont know..

so, knowing i am single, 
this is the checklist given by my aunt during those discussions..
she said to look at these 6 qualities in a guy before choosing him as my life partner (thanx aunt! ur awesome!)
so here goes the list:

A: Age 
B: Background
C: Character
D: Dormitory
E: Educational level
F: Faithfulness

so yeah,  these qualities absolutely solve the mystery behind my topic right? and how does that related to me now? check it out at the next post. hehe..

Jenny~

Distance

Please don't stand so close to me,
I'm having trouble breathing,
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now,
I give you everything I am,
All my broken heart beats,
Until I know you'll understand.

And I will make sure to keep my distance,
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening,
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

An awesome song by Christina Perri feat Jason Mraz..
just struck me and yeah, felt like posting this extract of lyric...
it made me stopped for a while and think properly,
and eventually, i found my answer out of it..
i guess, keeping a distance till i'm pretty sure i am ready is the best..

Jenny~

End of November!

Yeap, written well and clear..
It's the end of November and we're going into December in just a few more hours..
well, November was a good month for..
we had exams and yeah, da journey back home and spending time to laze around, doing nothing and gaining weight..
yeah, its pretty much a good month to relax and free from any tensions or stress back in college..
but, December is approaching!
and why am i having mixed feelings for this month?

firstly, i am anxious because results might be out anytime this month..
and i am not sure what are my grades..
i did my best though but assignments was a total disaster...
and i do not wanna remind myself again..
and then, i'm kinda sad coz it means one more month being at home and then, flying back to college.. 
but why am i happy?
it's Christmas soon!
and i love Christmas..
the gathering and the songs here and there..
though we dont do gift exchanges within family, but what's more important is good food, good company and lotsa loves..
and it is also another good news,
it signifies my final year in college!
awesome December! 
but may everything will go well for this month and be blessed with love.. =D

Jenny~

Understanding thru songs.

During this holidays, I had been like listening to Katy Perry's new songs,
And I am really into a few of her songs,
The lyrics just hit me right in my heart,
And somehow it made me smile n of course, cried.

One of it was "it takes two".
It talks bout two sides of a story,
In which when I thought of da past,
There were indeed two sides that I was glad I opened my eyes to see it.
Same goes to the next song, "ghost"..
That talks bout how now one bcome stranger..
And yes, we are now strangers..
N am not thinkin to change this..

Sometimes, lyrics of certain songs are so magical..
It wakes u up to reality n help u reach ur inner feelings..
N help u to get over it..
Listen to those two songs,
N feel wat I felt..

Jenny~

Leaving

Today is a sad day for me..
I lost one of my dearest family which is my grandma..
A strong lady that nvr got over my grandpa..
A lady that shows me her strength n her true love to her family..
It happened unexpectedly n it made me feeling really sad.
I did not get to go back n see her,
But i know she is now in a better place with my grandpa n my uncle..
Dear grandma,
Thanx for da laughter, stories n ur smiles that makes me anticipating evry end of da yr..
I might nt b a good grand-daughter but I will miss u a lot..
May u rest in peace n happy always up there.

Jenny~

goodbye semester 6.

the title says it all..
exam has ended for this semester and yes, it signifies the end of my semester 6..
and also the end of this year, 2013 is approaching really soon..
and my home is coming real soon too! 
haha..

so packing session began,
all da cellotape sounds and dragging and pushing luggages and boxes can be heard..
and people saying "happy holidays" echoes throughout the hostel..
and i am also one of those people...
this semester is a meaningful one for me..
 went through practicum where i met so many kids and finally found my real purpose of life..
went through painful moment once and for all, and now forgetting and deleting process occurs...
but the good thing?
i met new people, people that makes me smile and laugh at all time,
meeting people that i know is a friend and always be a friend,
so yeah, this semester is ended with a happy ending, i guess?
i hope the start of another new semester would begin fresh and happy..

so, happy holidays to my fellow readers..
i wish all of u safe journey back home and enjoy every single day back home..
=)

Jenny~

Hush.

Was going through the songs that i have in my laptop,

when i actually listened to one of Avril Lavigne's songs..

title?

Hush hush..

actually its a new track from her newest album..

and some part of the lyrics reflect how i felt all this while..

which part you might ask?

well, these are some of the parts of the lyrics that strikes me.

"So go on, live your life

So go on, say goodbye

So many questions

But I don't ask why

So this time I won't even try

Hush, hush, now"

"When I try to forget you

I just keep on remembering

What we had was so true

And somehow we lost everything

Hush, hush, now"

i'm moving on finely,

just sometimes,

when those days come,

bits of memories still flashback to me.

and so,

i wake myself up to face the cold,

and place my feet to the next step.

Jenny~

people.

in life, there are many kinds of people that we will meet..
the good ones, the bad ones, the two-faced, the wicked behind the scenes, the nicest ones no matter what and lots more..
and some of these people became our friends (unnoticed) and some remains to be the ones that we safeguard ourselves from...

but the main point here is, 
no matter who we meet, who we talk to or share with,
we must always be careful..
we never know when or who or even how will these things we tell turn around and be against us...
and how these things could be such a big issue after being added with surplus of fake? information and yeah, salt and pepper here and there..
and how these issues could degrade us and make us felt so low...

i've been there in the past yrs,
and i know how that felt..
and in order to protect myself,
i learn to defend myself.
i learn to share only with the ones i trust.
i learn not to divulge too much about my personal stuffs..
and i learn to only trust myself and no one else when it comes to big secrets..

i guess human beings are like that..
love to see people happy,
and love to see people sad and being criticised...
reality is indeed cruel..
all we gotta do is protect ourselves and remember to only believe that,
if we did it right, we will always be right..

Jenny~

Special Post for a Special Person~~

The title says it all..
today and tomorrow's post will be dedicated for a special person...
have met this person and been friends with her for almost 4 years by now..
went thru all the crazy, random, happy sad and wrecking moments with her...
and shared like almost everything that we think we should do so.. haha..
so for this really good friend of mine,
listen to the words written by me today on 7th November 1990 (11.30pm)..

I thank God for giving such a beautiful angel to this Earth..
though you went thru so many hardships in the past,
but those had made u wonderful as today.
I hope that you will continue to be strong and wonderful like how you are now.
And would always maintain your personality though we might know how we are gonna be like in the future...
May today be one of those happiest moments that you would remember,
even though there are no surprises this year,
but there will be one when u least expect..
anywayz, happy birthday!
You will always stay young though the age number is going up..
I wish you happy always,
pretty always,
smart always,
and wise always in making any decisions..
God bless ya, best friend!
and may God bless our friendships and that I would be able to stick to you forever (hahahhaa...)...

(suddenly, i feel so sweet... haha...)
Saranghaeyo! =D
Jenny~

November.

November is finally here...
not too late to blog about this wonderful month right?
well, i'm kinda excited whenever November is here..
though it is somehow cramped with exams and stress but,
home is coming!

anywayz, November wish?
i wish that everything planned including exams will go smoothly..
and be back to where i belong...

Jenny~

miracles.

exam season has started..
and i guess that's the main reason why i have not been updating my blog since the last post.
anywayz, the chapter has ended and its time to turn over a new leaf not only in me but also in my blog as well..
so exam has started and yes, i have just finished my first elective paper..
and two more papers to go which is still kinda long way ahead..

but why is today's title is miracles?
my perception of miracles is when something unexpected happened to u and it is something that u would not have thought about in the past..
and that is now happening to me..
i have new friend who kept myself and my best friend always cheerful and laugh all day long..
and i am blessed with these two friends who have always been so funny, cheerful and made me look life in a better perspective..
and it also make me felt so much happier these days..
i guess life is like that.
it is difficult in the first place, but the more i walk and walk, it became easier with all the people i met and who guided me through the thick and thin..

and my current miracle plus blessing?
my two crazy but awesome friends. 

Jenny~

the end.

life is a funny cycle..
one time, it will make you into a good piece,
and another time, it will break you into pieces...
sometimes, i feel that life itself is a learning process..
it helped me to learn new things,
through experience,
through pain and happiness,
through words of wisdom from the people around me,
and through what i see, hear and speak of..

i remember myself writing a post about rebound.
about how i said i would never get involved in a rebound because it sucks,
and yesterday was like a limelight for myself..
i was struck with the light of another half of the truth that i was dying to know,
and yes, now i know..
now i know the real reasons,
and my position all this while..
i am glad i am now single and moving on well,
because if i did not, i would have even fell into deeper pain..

and by knowing the another half of the truth, i would like to declare the closure of that chapter in my life. am not gonna write about it anymore. am not gonna think of it anymore. am not gonna look behind and lament about it anymore. because all of this is entirely your fault. no sorry required, i just hope karma hits u back.

the end.
Jenny~

today.

today proves to me that time is the best healer.
time shows to me that i am able to smile and say hi to him.
time shows to me that i felt alright even when i reached my room, i did not cry like i used to.
i didnt feel sad anymore.
i didnt feel like crying badly like last time anymore.

and this actually tells me that i am already moving on to the next step slowly,
i am also ready to move pass the past memories,
yes, i would still recall back, miss them but who wont when it was your first?
but life still gotta go on..
i still have to go on with my life on my own..
but here, i wanna say,
i am ok.
i will be even better soon.
though its awkward to talk like we used to,
i hope we would remain like now, a hi-bye friend.
by doing so, i would heal even faster.
but no matter what, i would always hope that you would be always happy and healthy.
because i would make sure that i am always happy and healthy without you.
i am now able to take care of myself d..
thank you.

Jenny~

inspired.

to my readers (if any),
u would notice that i love to write about relationship and stuffs like that,
maybe by writing on this topic,
i wont risk getting caught by the authorities,
or getting slammed with insults from some weird ppl..

but dont worry,
am not gonna write any emo post..
its just that i got across this quote by Steve Job,
whom kinda inspire me as well,
he said,

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking.
Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.
And, like any great relationships, it just gets better and better as the year rolls on."

Inspired!
why?
i guess i have to somehow get out of the dark blankets and start to look around me..
i know timing is not here yet coz i know my priority right now is my studies which will be reaching the end next year..
but nevertheless, i still believe in less than three (l.o.v.e)..
i believe in God's plans on me.. 

Jenny~

weekends?

well, its the weekends..
i mean da weekend that i anticipate since monday and tuesday are declared as holidays due to Hari Raya Haji...
and yeah, no lectures, just me and the room...
with my lappie and phone..
while everyone is back home or in KK dating and stuffs like that...

thinking about the past,
i kinda miss those romantic getaways...
but enough of those,
things wont be the same again,
and thinking of it would not even make it come true..
if it would, i would think of money everyday,
so it would appear at my doorstep..
haha..

anywayz, i guess im gonna spend my weekend as a normal single lady would do in a trapped campus with no-chance-of-going-out-to-meet-nice-people-and-having-good-food,
to stay in my room, watch the remaining movies or dramas, listening to my songs and reading magazines, playing game and sleep...
wow, such an "incredible" weekend...
sigh..
i need some pills to cure my randomness...

i need ________. (fill in the blank as you please),
Jenny~

rebound?

i love to write things that i can share..
which is including relationship wise..
sometimes, talking to my friends and listening to them talking endlessly about relationship makes me think..
does being single really that scary?
does finding another replacement in an immediate timing that necessary?
does waiting really wout mean nothing?
does finding a new replacement that worth it?
do they ever think of the next step?

i do wonder,
how would one who just broke up or lost someone they hold on to so dearly and cling on them previously could easily moved on and get someone new?
i wanted it, you know?
but im lucky to be not one of them..
why?
maybe because i dont wanna get hurt again..
maybe because i would expect more from the next r/ship..
maybe because i do not want it to end in another breaking point...
maybe because i do not wish to regret in the nxt r.ship..
but everyone has their own point of views..
for me, rebound is not my thing...
and never would be my thing..
coz when karma hits, it hits badly...
guess i would have to stay this way till timing is right..

stay calm and awesome..
Jenny~

travel.travel.travel.

This year is like a travelling year for me..
i have been like going to places like KL, Terengganu, Tenom and the next in list was Kundasang!
this was the place that i wished to go so much and finally, im there..
but the sad thing was it kept raining and i didnt get to take much pics of the whole place there..
but it was so cold and the wind was terribly icy and cold..
my suggestion?
no need to go overseas to experience winter...
just come to Kundasang...
hahaha..
and certainly, i wish to go there again..
but thin time with the people i love, my family...

sometimes, when i sat down and really think about it..
i guess life is indeed like a novel..
it has its ups and downs..
but i believe that God is always fair..
He would never give us something bitter without a little sweetness in it...
and for me, amidst all the challenges and obstacles,
i am still enjoying every bit of my life...
and thanx to the friends that make my life almost completed...
hehehe...
pictures?
maybe next time...
but i love being in Kundasang and wish to be there again...

love.mini.getaway.
Jenny~

fairytale.

this post is written while i am still struggling with words to finish my essay of 2500 words in which i have only accomplish 1253 words.. way to go, Jenny!
but, things distract me and make me kinda fed up..
well, since no friends to tell (or in order not to get anyone offended),
blog is my only confidante....

so,
living in a fairytale is wonderful, isnt it?
dreaming of getting married in a church,
walking down the altar with your pretty, gorgeous wedding dress,
gaining the fame of a celebrity for that one day,
linking hands with your loved one like how u see in everyone's wedding,
showing that smile of happiness in the church after proclaiming "I do"...
wonderful, isnt it?

but sadly, no one looked at the reality...
reality is never wonderful..
sometimes, i felt like i am surrounded by ppl who are blinded by fairytale,
thinking life is that wonderful,
thinking that love is indeed pretty,
thinking that we have to rush ourselves to get attached,
and getting ironic of each and every statement that they have spoken.

sometimes, people is indeed ironic..
one time they say like this, and then they can do whatever they want.
my principle, do what you say..
u cant do it?
then shut da freak out.
you make life miserable for others and fake for yourself.

fed up seriously.
Jenny~

Update part 2

Have u ever felt like u dont belong to a community?
It's like u hav this wall that is in between of u and them...
It makes u fear to mingle n eventually, lost ur confidence to handle these situations...
I thought those days wouldn't come to me...
I thought I won't feel such ways..
But da trip to T'ganu actually enable me to really look into me...
N indeed I cnot mix wit my own community members...
I cant talk comfortably wit them, I cant bring myself to approach them n worse, I start to be in my own world when im with them...
Reason?
My mandarin that is below da passing rate, my low confidence in da language, my high affective filter n not forgetting, da fear of being ignored...
I tried n it din work out...
So my choices? To let it be or to fix it?
My answer?
Im incapable to choose at this.moment. Sigh..

Jenny~

update part 1

now, i felt much more free to update this blog..
well, i have finished my practicum two weeks ago..
felt sad for leaving my kids behind but life has to go on..
all i can wish for them is that they would be able to do well in their studies..
and i went to Terengganu!
it was an awesome memory, as we were sponsored like from food to accommodation...
and the experience was super nice!
i fell in love with the hotel and its service..
and i wished to stay there for a longer time..
staying there makes me feel so relaxed and happy..
and did i mention, i made new friends there too?
and those friends were super funny and made my day even better back in terengganu..
but meeting these new friends made me realise a fact that i have been avoiding for ages..
and that would be on my next post.. 
hehe..
so, since i have nt been posting up pictures for quite some time in my blog,
i would do it in this post...
so PHOTOBOMB!

me n my new friends.. =)

me n my kids.. =)

my new friends.. =)

we were at the Sultan Terengganu's palace!

the winners!

and us at masjid kristal!

so, u can see how happy i was during the whole "vacation"! i wish for one more again.. hehehe...

Jenny

sometimes.

sometimes,
i wonder if i have taken the other way,
what would turn out for me?

sometimes,
i wonder if i am in different places,
who would i meet?

sometimes,
i wonder if i would be able to meet someone else,
like how every of my friend met one,
and stayed till now,
what would i be?

sometimes,
i wonder if anyone knew how i felt,
and put themselves in my shoes,
and felt what i felt,
what would they say?

sometimes,
i wonder if there is someone out there for me,
waiting for me,
what would that someone looks like?

sometimes,
i stopped believing for a while,
because there isnt anything to believe in.

just sometimes,
i wished i am somebody else,
somebody that has everything that i wanted in life.
somebody that has someone to love and care for a long, long time.
just that somebody.

Jenny~

dedicated to the one.

tonight, this post is dedicated to a friend of mine back in high school..
he is the one who left a really deep impression that changes me in being the me today..
he is the one who cheered me up whenever i feel depressed..
he is the one who though considered as a popular guy in the school, but never felt proud with it..
he is the one who fought for rights and whom i know one day would have his name on the newspapers for his future contributions..
he is the first one who saw me cry and shared ice-cream with me just to make me laugh at how stingy is he..
he is the first one whom i had my first dance..
he is the first guy that prepare me meal during high school..
and he is the first guy that make me feel touched with how nice is he..
he is the one that gave me memorable feelings and experiences during my high school..

and when he is now leaving to UK,
i felt sad..
though we didnt met or contact, but we talked on the phone..
and i really hope you will be ok..
really, really ok and be back here safely after two years..
and i hope you would remain the same old Mr. SpongeBob like how i used to know..
to this friend, i would always remember u buddy..
ur da nicest guy whom i know would never hurt me..
thanx for being such a good friend in high school till now..
thanx for the wonderful and funny advices given in high school..
and thanx for being such a wonderful role model to me till now...
i less than three u buddy...
have a safe journey and be back here safely..

Jenny~

one day.

weird.
one word. one sentence. one truth.
could make everything change.
one situation. one moment. one glimpse.
could cause pain.
one thought.
could make me feel like a stranger with no memories.

i know this would happen.
i just dont know when.
but one day is enough to let me see,
things would never be the same again.
sad but things gotta take its own course by now.

cry,
smile,
laugh,
pretend,
be strong,
that makes me being me now.

Jenny~

what makes me happy?

Happy.
a word that describes me when im smiling and laughing from within me.. 
a word that describes me when im in random and able to act like myself.. 
a word that describes me as trully happy, with no fake smiles or laughter... 
a word that shows the real side of me.. 
so what makes me happy?

if im given the chance to say everything, it would be an endless list..
but here are a few that i pick to share with my fellow readers..
1. God for answering my prayers, planning my future and always being there for me..

2. My family for supproting me, loving, caring for me and always make sure that i grow up happily..

3. My besties in college for their random antics, awkward moments, laughable crazy times and also for lending their shoulders and ears for my pleas and tears..

4. Food for being the comfort for me as it is the only thing that would not say no to me.. hahaa..

5. My favourite Kpop shows and celebrities for keeping me entertained with their cute, funny antics and how they could make me imagine of being near with them.. hahaa...

6. My songs for understanding my mood and plays well to my ears..

7. My kids for their endless smiles and behaviors that make me pissed off but at the same time, makes me miss them much much more...

when its time to remember, i would always remember.
when its time to forget, i would forget.

Jenny~

how are you now?

i remembered watching one of dankhoo's production video,

where i remembered crying badly over the video twice.

why?

of course because i am sensitive,

over-emotional

or maybe because i felt how it felt in the video.

today, someone asked me about you.

whether i'm still in touch with you,

whether i still talk to you,

whether i still care for you,

whether i still know hows ur progress,

and my only answer was no.

its not easy for me to bounce back to normal after knowing the painful truth.

and it was not easy for me to be ok..

i took time and tears to actually be ok..

and right now, i am still not really ok..

and because of that, i could not bring myself to do all those things..

i could no longer cry for u again,

so i prefer to be in this situation.

this makes me sad but it makes me happy at the same time..

hence, if you are reading this post,

how are you now?

are you doing well in your studies?

are you taking care of yourself?

are you happy now?

i hope all your answers would be yes.

my only message for you in this post is to take care of yourself and hope you're not troubled by anything in the past.

first love cuts the deepest?

yes.

Jenny.

when its those days.

when its those days,
when the clouds seem to cover the rays of light,
when the clouds darken,
when it starts to rain,
when it felt really cold,
really cold,
really dark,
really lonely,
i become me.

i become cold
i become dark
i become lonely
and it suddenly rains.

when would these clouds ever disperse?
when would the rays of light start entering into this heart locked up in a chest?
when would it stop raining inside me?
when would i start feeling the warmth?
when is the right timing?

Jenny.

is it the end?

practical is finally reaching the end.

though it is only 2 weeks ahead, but somehow i could smell the end of this semester is coming real soon..

and im gonna be back home by the end of da yr!

teaching,

a word that somehow reminds me of my passion and love towards it when i was small till now..

whenever i teach, i love the feeling where i am the centre of attention for my pupils..

i love when they learn something from me..

i love when i can see changes within my pupils..

i love to see them smile and enjoy my lesson..

but despite all the loves, the challenges would always present...

challenges in terms of documents that i believe is unnecessary...

since when practicing teaching requires so much burden on these filing and stuffs?

arent practicing is giving us a chance to learn something new and allow us to apply our knowledge to our pupils?

nevertheless, i love teaching.

i really do.

and most importantly, i would always love this one thing,

myself and teaching.

i guess right now my heart goes all out in teaching.

my goal for the next practicum?

hope that i will be able to do well and continuously ignite the passion to teach within me no matter what kinds of pupils i got..

Jenny~

when i come across.

when i came across,
that place,
that picture,
that sound,
that music,
that face,
do you know how it felt?

when i came across all those things,
slight pain occurs..
are you now happy standing by that girl while seeing her in love with someone else?
are you happy just by seeing her and unable to reach her?
coz when i see u doing that, i hurt.

Jenny.

here comes the new month.

August is reaching its end.
and here comes the new month.
a month that i used to anticipate.
and now it is more to anticipating certain events..
such as the end of practicum,
and a mini getaway...

what i have learnt in this month?
i learnt that the pain from having a wisdom tooth is far more worse than anythin.. aha..
i learnt one's life is short and we never know when it will be taken away..
i learnt to appreciate ppl around me and the time im spending with them..
i learnt to value myself and place myself at the highest position.
i learnt to make sure i wont get hurt..
i learnt to take care of myself well..
i learnt that amongst all the sad things that happen to me, there is someone whose facing even worse than me..
i learnt that amongst all the sad, there is some happy stuffs goin on for me..
i learnt that the time for me to find someone is not here yet, 
and last but not least, i learn to be patient like last time and God will be fair to me like how HE treated all of us..

i just have to learn to believe and do a step at a time..

Jenny~

what hurts the most?

do you know what hurts more than a heartbreak?
do you know what hurts more than being lied at?
do you know what hurts more than being a second-placer?
the growth of a wisdom tooth..
haha..
this is not an emo post, by the way..
so i went to the dentist and yes, he confirmed that all the unbearable pain was because of my wisdom tooth which is pushing its way out from my gum..
and yes, it is still painful which causes me to depend on medication..
and yes, he did mentioned bout the surgery that i have to go through if i wanna end the pain once and for all..
and yes indeed, i refused to do it here..
i mean who wanna do it here where i would not get enough care and attention from home, right?

and the funny thing is that it actually reminds me that the pain of getting heartbreaks are nothing compared to the pain of the growth of wisdom tooth..
the pain from the wisdom tooth was so unbearable that it could cause me to just forget bout work and head to bed..
haha..
and when the doctor talked about the major surgery i have to go thru, i was like thinking, "even getting heartbreaks pun didnt require me to get a surgery." 
and there was this moment when i start to think that heartbreaks for now are no longer a big deal for me..
i just need to close my eye, ignore the people that hurts me and then i would be ok..
easy right compared to eating medicines and the thought of surgery?
so at the end of the day, i would always ask myself..
why am i in so much pain this year?
answer? only God knows.. =)

Jenny.

part of growing up.

i love growing up actually..
able to see how different i am compared to when i was still naive and a little girl..
but everyone of us have one part where we hate for growing up..
in this first part of my blog on the "part of growing up",
i dislike the part where we have to face the pain of wisdom tooth coming out and making u feel all the pain in the mouth..
i hate pain and what more to say when it comes to my mouth..
the part that would make me feel so stressed up..
sigh...
so these days i have been havin ulcers and then this thing which i researched on the internet which is due to the impact of my wisdom tooth..
and it was really scary and i was shaking..
and yeah, i made a direct appointment to the dentist..

and all this make me thinks,
i just got over with the pain in my heart,
and now i have to bear the pain in my mouth?
aarrgh, it is so unbearable! 
damn~

Jenny.